it’s ok not to be ok

Last week was R U OK day in Australia, a day that you got a reminder to spare a bit of your busy life to check in on your mates, your neighbour, your colleagues, your best friend or your loved ones, check in on those around you. It’s anyone and everyone you may encounter in your lifetime who may benefit from three simple words, are you okay?

Especially this year, with covid situation and lockdowns are putting such a strain on many people’s mental health . Our mental health is just as important as our physical health too. Loneliness and being alone in this strange difficult time can be so hard for some.

As a mother of busy teenager boys with husband most of the time working away from home, I do feel occasionally that I could have a breakdown every now and then. Trying to juggle every thing and making important decision by myself sometimes it’s not easy. And feeling alone especially at night times and weekend, it sucks big time.

I am a bit of a loner and always have been, a little something you may not have known about me… Being alone doesn’t always mean I’m lonely though, in fact I often feel more alone in the company of certain people. But I have to admit, there are times that I wish I had someone to chat to, to spend time just going out for coffee or lunch or dinner. In my times of feeling alone I know how much I want to be heard and just talk. But of course, I can’t do it here. Living far away from my family, it’s difficult for me to open up to someone, especially the ones that I don’t feel close to. My heart pouring chat could end up being the community gossip and worse it could back fired at me. It happened before. I used to have a good friend that I was comfortable enough to pour my heart out to her. But when things got sour between her and I, she told me that she was actually sick listening to all my sorrows/troubles. For her it was like listening to broken tape recorder. I never forget this. So, I’m still lucky to have my mother’s ears now.

Lately, I’ve been experiencing a mild anxiety. I really don’t know what cause it. I worry about every thing, my children, my husband, my family back in Indonesia, our health, our financial, the future of the world, like..WTF? It woke me up in the middle of the night and I felt like I couldn’t breathe or my chest was heavy. I managed to do slow breathing and calm myself and thanks God so far I could go back to sleep again. Sometimes it happens during the day for no reason my thoughts are every where. I kind of know when this weird feeling comes, so I try to meditate, do my yoga, and being active and busy.

I don’t know why I have this so called anxiety lately. Maybe the uncertainty of this covid got into me. But I know for sure having this unhealthy mental disorder it’s not good. I’m lucky that at the moment my husband is home so I always can tell him whatever I’m feeling. Sometimes I think, I just need to talk to someone, to share my worries and what’s in my head at that time.

So, not only on Are You Ok day that you need to reach out to those you love, but I personally think, it’s no harm if every now and then, you spare a bit time to send message or call your mates, your girlfriends, those you love, even if you think they are okay, just to check in on them. Yes we often are so caught up in our own worlds that we don’t always have the energy to take on other people issues. But, maybe just put yourself in someone else’s shoes. You will feel grateful when someone just thinking of you, support you when you need it, pay a visit. Because sometimes for people like me, all we want is to be listened without being judged and company. Because even tho I’m comfortable enough to shop and eat out by myself, sometimes it is nicer to have some other souls too.

If you are ever doing it tough and feel like you have no one to speak to, I am here. I am here to listen, to understand, no judgement. It’s okay not to be okay and you are not alone. A simple message is all that is required to reach out.

I hope you are all OK. If you are not, it certainly ok too.

Love,