eleven

Dear my darling Boys,

Today you are eleven years old.  Happy birthday to both of you.  As cliché as it is, but time flies so quick, it just feels like yesterday I was bringing my two bundle of joy back from hospital to our home. It just feels like yesterday when you two started crawling and walking and being a monkey one and monkey two 🙂

I carried both of you with me for 38 weeks, it’s considered full-term for twin pregnancy.  You both gave us a fright when suddenly in 26 weeks of my pregnancy I had bleeding, a heavy one, I was so panic but thank God your Dad drove us safe and calm to the hospital, mind you that 45 minutes driving from our village to the hospital through dark and winding road in England was a nerve wrecking experienced! But you both decided that it wasn’t the time yet, thanks God!  Though since then almost every two weeks I would bleed and we rushed to the hospital and I had to bed rest for 3 days then went back home again.  One night, when I was about 32 weeks and got rushed to the hospital, the nurse that already knew and familiar with my situation just shouted out loud to my big belly, to both of you…she said, ” come on boys, behave! don’t give your mum and dad heart attack every now and then!”  We all laughed.

When it was time to come out, then you two decided to stay so I had to be induced and had a very long labor.  I was admitted to the hospital at 8 am and not until half an hour past midnight on April 24th, that you both agreed to finally see us, see the world. Nathan, you came out to the world with the help of a thong (I don’t know what’s the medical term for that, but it does look like the one we used for BBQ!) and looked a bit rough, but cried out very loud.  While your Dad was holding you next to me, I had second contraction so I didn’t really spend a long time to look at and admire you.  Dylan, you came out smooth and didn’t cry as loud as your brother and you were pretty observed, just stared at the surrounding as if you were wondering ‘where the hell was I now’,  you weighed half kilo lighter than your brother.

Though motherhood didn’t come as natural and easy for me, but I managed and dwell with it not bad.  There were days I just wanted to cry because I was tired washing dozens of milk bottles, because you two were very hungry babies so my milk wasn’t enough.  There were nights that I felt frustrated because you two didn’t wake at the same time to drink milk so I felt like I was up the whole night, though your Dad did help.  Poor him, unlike other Dads who could get away from night feeding, he had to help me, because you two decided to play hide and seek with us at 3 in the morning!  If I woke both of you, chance was you wouldn’t drink so I had no choice…. There were times that I felt like a failure because I didn’t know what was right and wrong to feed you, to teach you, to guide you, to help you, to train you, to raise you both to be a healthy and happy kids. There were moments that I just wanted to scream because I was exhausted and tired and didn’t know  exactly what I was doing.  Motherhood, I wish you came with a written manual!

But, there were countless times that I felt that I did a good job to both of you.  I’m so blessed and very lucky to have you both in my life.  I watched your first step, I listened to your first words, I took you to your first day at Kindy then pre-Primary, your first footy game and so on.  I have to admit being your mama gives me satisfaction and content in my life.  And I am very proud of both of you, of what you have achieved lately in sports, school, and in life, that you turn out to be a gentle, kind, polite, yet adventure, fun, and happy little men.

Happy 11th birthday Boys.  I wish you a good health, and that you will continue to grow up as a balance young men and a gentle souls.  Keep shining my little stars!!

Love you both to the moon and back.

Your Mama,