motherhood : on being a pushy mama

What kind of parent are you? What type of mother are you? Are you the strict and disciplined, or relaxed and not so pushy kind? Are you a tiger mum or softie mum?

As a parent/s how far will you push your children to do things for their life, that you as a parent, think it will be good for them and for their future? I have to confess that I am quite a pushy kind of mother.  I pushed my twin 1 to speak louder and come out from his very shyness. I drilled twin 2 hundred times on time tables until he remembers all by heart and forced him to read book every night.  I take no to “I don’t wanna go to school” on Monday morning because school is boring.  Even though I don’t need to push them to do sports, as they love it so much, I still encourage them to do sports rather than being a couch potato and playing games on Wii/DS/Ipod or any gadgets after school.  Though sometimes this activity will back-fire on me, as they have too many sports to attend and I’m running out of time!

Have you read the book Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother by Amy Chua? I have.  Well, while I don’t agree of all her parenting style, I think she’s a bit too extreme as a role model, but I take my hat off to her for being a very tough and hard mum to her daughters. She has lots of critics about the way she raised her daughters.   I am not a tiger mother but I am pretty sure I am in the category of mean mum.  I have certain rules that there’s no way they can break it, I don’t take whining and whinging children too good either (maybe because I have boys?)  I teach my boys if you commit to do something then no matter what, (unless you are really really sick and can’t move) you gotta do it.  If you say yes to something then do it, even if you suck but at least you have tried. They have chores that they have to do i.e. put the rubbish bin out, feed the animals, tidy up their play room, if they fail to do so their weekly pocket-money will get deducted.

Sometimes I wonder, is it worth being a pushy mother like me? Who am I doing all this pushing for, my boys or myself? Often I almost give in when my boys refuse to go to their training or tutoring. How easy to say to them, sure you can skip training today.  It’s so tempting to ignore the 4.45 am alarm clock and continue sleeping ( especially when it’s winter and it’s still very dark outside!), but unlike my ‘compromise’ and soft hearted partner-in-crime, I will get out of my comfy and warm bed, and yell at them to get up, and have my kids hate me and called me mean mummy.  It breaks my heart sometimes that they are scared to talk to me because they know they can’t get away with it and I will get mad at them.  I can never say, let the kids make their choices and follow their hearts, at least not until they are 18 perhaps? 🙂

One thing I do agree with Amy Chua’s parenting is what she said in her book : “the best way to protect the children is by preparing them for the future, letting them see what they’re capable of, and arming them with skills, work habits, and inner confidence that no one can ever take away.”  I agree.  Self esteem is something that we can’t give it to the kids, but they must earn it, it comes from achievement.

What about you? What kind of parent are you? Don’t worry I won’t judge 🙂 Because I believe every child is different and unfortunately there’s no manual on parenting but you just go with what’s best for you and your child. At the end of the day I’m pretty sure that we, as a parents, want only the best thing for our children.

I hope you all have a good Monday, it’s going to be a busy week for us as we are prepping for our camping trip! Yeah, only four more days and it’s school holidays…hooray!